Dear Friends,

This is difficult to write, my heart is shattered and the loss so very painful. Last week I said goodbye to Annette, my life partner, best friend, wife and so much more for more than 41 years. She passed away on August 17th, in our home by my side.

Cancer has been a huge presence in our household since the fall of 2019 when first Annette, and then I, learned we had ovarian and esophageal cancer respectively. After nine months of treatments, we were both in full remission and looking forward to resuming a normal life again.

A year later, as is the case with 70-80% of women who have this disease, Annette’s cancer returned. Once it does, it's considered incurable; a hard reality to accept. Annette, however, did not want her life to be defined by this disease. From the initial diagnosis through all the subsequent treatments, the quote on the photo was our touchstone. And dance we did!

We have done and lived so much in the past three years, including hiking thousands of miles and exploring many amazing areas throughout the west. We volunteered, learned new hobbies and visited family and friends. She wanted to continue to live, of course. She loved and was in awe of this amazing world of ours. Her life was filled with purpose, curiosity, passion, gratitude, learning and loving until her final day. And she had such tremendous courage. Because she continued to live her life purposefully and fully despite cancer, she was at peace with dying.

Now, for the first time in over four decades, I am on a difficult journey without my partner beside me. It’s so very hard for me to picture the world and my life without her in it. When she died, a large part of me left with her. But grief—the feelings we hold inside of us, and mourning—the external expression of that grief, are a difficult yet critical part of the healing process. This journey will be long, difficult, and without a trail to follow. I will no doubt stumble and lose my way often. But I know that at some point, I’ll be OK. Annette gave me so much, and so much of her is a part of who I am. She will always be with me, yet I miss her so very much. The tidal waves of grief are crushing.

I invite you to download this newsletter from Hospice of North Idaho (https://www.hospiceofnorthidaho.org/) on grief and mourning. In particular, read the myths on grieving that are prevalent in our culture. The book recommended in the newsletter is one I’m now reading. I highly recommend it. It may be helpful in your own experiences with loss, but will also guide you in how to help those who are mourning. This isn't a journey anyone should do by themselves.

Annette believed strongly in the mission and actions of a number of organizations. I’ll share these in a subsequent post. If you wish, I know she would be honored if you were to make a donation in her memory to one or more of these. Thank you so much.

August 26, 2022

At her request, there will be no funeral or obituary. At some point in the future, I'll organize some times and places where friends and family can take a walk in the woods, share memories and celebrate her life. It may be a while before I do this, but I'll let folks know via this page.

I also encourage you to share stories, memories and photos on her and my pages via comments to this and subsequent messages. It's a good way to share with each other. It will help me as well.

I will end his post with a link to a song/video sent to Annette by her sister Gerri just a couple months ago. Annette and I both cried as we listened and watched. I still do. Think of this amazing woman as you listen and watch. Click or scan the QR code below.

Please, live each day for the amazing gift it is.

~David Stephenson